Byon Monday, July 29, 2013 7:10 PM
This is a blog topic very near and dear to my heart. I had to talk to you guys about this one and I hope that you can find it inspiring and never forget to live without regrets.
This is a perfect time in my life to write this because I am going through a very rough patch.
I am in the San Diego Airport smack in the middle of my rough spot as we speak. Let me back it up for you a bit. About a week and a half ago I got a text from a friend back east saying that he had some bad news. It was worse than I could have imagined. My best girlfriend back home that I call ”sis” was diagnosed with breast cancer. Once the shock a misdiagnosis and that my sis actually had stage four lung cancer. I called her immediately and she picked up. I could tell by her voice that she was heavily medicated in her hospital bed but I was comforted to hear friends in the back ground. Just days later the worst news of all came; it had spread to her blood, bones, and brain. I have never felt such deep sadness. I began to think about all the things she has done for me, all of our long talks, how I save all her voice mail messages to replay; she is someone I look up to so much in this world. She is the definition of positive.
Gina is a ray of sunshine and is always there to help everyone see the brighter side. She has been there for me thru the toughest times I have ever been thru; times that I was not sure I was going to make it thru. She assured me I would be stronger in the long run when I was having moments I was sure would be the end of me.
When something like this happens it forces you to stop and really look at life and realize how precious each day is. The things that we stress over and how we can take people in our lives for granted. I began to evaluate my own life situation. I am approx. 9 weeks away from my first WBFF show. I am on a mission to get the most rocking body that I possibly can, I am training so hard while trying to balance my work life and save a small amount of time for my personal life.
When I do something I do it all the way; that is the way that I am built! I am so proud of myself for never stopping, never giving in or giving up. BUT I often find myself with no time to enjoy loved ones and stressing over getting my work done. What if I were suddenly to become ill? Would I regret not having spent more time with my loved ones rather than focusing on developing my business beyond the success I already have? The definite answer was yes; I would have regrets.
I always preach to live without regrets and that good relationships are the key to ultimate happiness. So the fact that I have the best people in my life is wonderful but what about enjoying time with them?
I received a message that Gina’s brain was full of cancerous tumors. I got on the internet immediately and booked my flight to see Gina. I knew that I needed to get out to Connecticut and be by her side immediately.
This week has been full of ups and downs; not wanting to eat, not wanting to go to the gym; feeling sad and angry, pushing the snooze button over & over, and feeling simply empty inside. In my life I have not felt this type of deep sadness. After almost a week with no energy, lots of tears, and being completely and entirely off my routine I have come around. I began to think of how much Gina would give to be ableto be in the gym working out and dining on tilapia and fresh veggies rather than being laid up in a hospital bed, pumped with drugs, in pain, and being fed hospital food. I found my motivation! This time it was nota show, it was not an upcoming photo shoot, and it was not because I had the typical fire burning inside me. This time the motivation was completely selfless; I am doing it for my big sis Gina! She has always loved me and never steered me wrong. I have hung on every word she speaks for 14 years now, looking up to her,and aspiring to be as live for the moment as she is. She would tell me to live without regrets, love each day as if it was your last and love everyone for their best quality not focus on their worst.
I realize that I can love what I do for a living for a lifetime if I balance it with my personal life.
The reason I have been able to compete non stop consistently for 4 years now is because I always find fun in my training and do not let it over take my life. I have goals to accomplish and places I want to go. I plan to achieve every single one with a smile on my face and go every place that I want to in this world with an open mind. I encourage you to evaluate where you are right now and ask yourself if you are doing what truly makes you happy.
Let me ask you this way; If you knew that you had a short time to live what would you do with your time? Who would you express gratitude towards, how would you treat yourself, and how would you make sure to live the rest of your life with no regrets?
*This Blog was written in May 2012. I received my Pro Card with the WBFF in July. Gina passed a few months after. Rest in peace big sis. I continue to live my life never having regrets thanks to you!